Silly Little Goober. I Needed Silly Goose Today Thank You

*writing my stupid little fanfiction*

*looks down at ipad*

[ID: a picture of a cat screaming superimposed on a simple background; the cat is screaming "WHY IS IT SO ASS???". There's an ipad which says "stupid fanfiction that isn't good but is bouncing around in my brain and won't leave". /END ID]

Diary entry #3

Hoooooo boy I am shaking so bad. I generally have a level of "shake" that I usually have, always a little twitchy and I get terribly lightheaded, shaky, and have to sit so I don't fall whenever I stand up (usually if I do it quickly.) But like I'm shaking so hard that it's kinda hard to type. Why? My stomach hurts. Sometimes it's just like that when I get nauseous.

Speaking of things I should probably talk to a doctor about! I think I might have OCD. I get straight up awful thoughts and I sometimes have to do something to fix them. I have a back and forth in my head constantly and it's fucking exhausting!!! But I am afraid that I'll be not allowed to go on T if I get a diagnosis (I'm already autistic so that could be something they could deny me for maybe). (Also don't know if I explained properly, sorry)

Some dude on reddit told me I probably don't have OCD because I'm autistic, idk if he's right. I know you can have both but it's possible I'm mistaking my autistic thoughts for OCD thoughts.

Well that's it I guess

(angry video game nerd voice) two genders? that's it? and you just get given one at random, you don't even get to decide which one you want? what a shitload of fuck

Knowing that trans women of color started the movement in the united states and were literally immediately erased and excluded from what they started is the most deeply jading knowledge.

It is the original sin of the so-called queer community and it damns it from the cradle.

welcome reddit refugees

Adding my favorite stims that I do!! Idk if some of them are technically stims but I figured I’d add them anyway :) also I’m autistic btw

Listening to music, swinging on my web swing (doing both rn!), snapping fingers (this is a new one but it’s pleasing to my brain), walking and dancing at the same time (hard to explain, but I kinda do an interpretive dance while I walk?? It looks strange but it brings me joy), spinning, singing/lip syncing, bouncing leg, fidget toys (slime/putty, infinity cube, magnets), chewing gum/chew necklaces, flexing my stomach, blinking fast, humming, cracking knuckles, sighing, inhaling (with nose), touching soft stuff, pacing, and more I can’t really remember right now. Some are more situational, but I enjoy all of them!

stimming is a self-soothing behavior that can be used to calm down feelings of stress, anxiety, overwhelming emotions, or physical discomfort. stimming is a natural, and healthy behavior, and it is important to allow others to stim when they need to. i am a nonspeaking autistic AAC user, and i stim a lot because it is a helpful way to regulate my emotions, and a way for me to express myself. stimming is a beautiful, and essential part of who i am, and i am proud to call myself a stimmer!

Me when I just wanna grill for gods sake (I want to exist as a gay trans person without having my entire existence whittled down to a political debate where my entire life is spent constantly needing to defend my own right to exist because my life quite literally depends on it)

being trans is so hard but i love it so much but waking up everyday is hard

I'm scared. I'm a trans man and I'm scared.

Who knows how much longer I'm going to even be able to say those words so I'm gonna say them now.

I'm not gonna let them erase me.

Fuck all of you who voted for Trump.

If you fucking voted for that self-interested, classist, misogynistic stupid ass mother fucker,

UNFOLLOW AND BLOCK ME RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.

And don't come crying to us when your "savior" fucks the world up even worse.

Y'all did that, not us.

I'm scared. I'm a trans man and I'm scared.