I Am Struggling.
I am struggling.
I'm struggling to find motivation. I'm struggling to find happiness. I'm struggling to find peace.
I have anxiety. More specifically, I have social anxiety. This makes being a person EXTREMELY difficult. Thing is, I really do want to interact with the world. I want to meet new people and make friends. I want to find people who share my interests. I want to find people who geek out over the same things I do. People who understand me and my strange ways.
But my anxiety says that's the stupidest thing it's ever heard. Why would I ever do that when I could stay in my comfort zone? Why interact with people when you can just watch TV and fantasize about being out in the world? "It's safer in your head," it says. "People won't hurt you in your head," it says. And yes, that is true.
But, I'm lonely... And thats how I'll stay until I find a way out of my own head. Logically I know exactly what's happening to me and what to do to help this. But in reality, I'm petrified. I'm stuck.
This causes a domino effect. My anxiety causes inaction. My inaction causes a loss of motivation. A loss of motivation makes me guilt. And my guilt causes my to spiral down the pit of depression. And there I lie until I find a way to climb out.
I'm not completely sure why I wrote this and why I'm going to actually post this. But maybe this is the first step in the right direction. A little push outside of my comfort zone. Maybe little posts like this will help me find my footing...
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The umbrella academy actually fixed the biggest issue of season 1, having Ellen Page as a straight character. I mean I know she is a good enough actor to play straight but she shouldn't have to and I'm happy they fixed it.
you know that character you love so much? (you know â the one from that movie you always watch when youâre feeling sad the one from that show youâve seen so many times you can quote the episodes the one from that book or comic youâve read more times than you can count) think about how much you resonate with them how theyâre like a mirror image to the way you see yourself how they empathize with pieces of your soul in ways that a real life human cannot how they feel like a representation of you you see so much of yourself in them and you love them so much so why canât you love you too? if you can find it in you to look past their flaws and see gold shining in their cracks maybe you can do the same for yourself after all if your favorite character is a reflection of you, and you love them more than words can say maybe its possible for you to love you too
(cc, 2020)
So, something I noticed while re-watching season 1 of umbrella academy is this one moment when the Handler visits Five in the apocalypse world and offers him a job, and says that the apocalypse was supposed to happen, Five is bewildered and say âthatâs crazy the end of everythingâ and the Handler responds not the end of everything....
A fun Easter egg to the name of the last episode of the second season âthe end of somethingâ
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