This Cat Has Religious Trauma! Oops!

This is so dramatic of me but I hate hate hate the swear jar headcanon for Jason. Like holy shit sit down for two seconds and think of the implications of taking away money from a child that lived below the line of poverty for all their life and was homeless for three years if they do something you don't like. Are you insane

Season 4 of Once Upon A Time is weird.

I Will be fighting the writers of the first half of season 4 in the Tesco's carpark at midnight. WTF were they thinking???? Bo Peep is a slave owning war mongerer????? Who BRANDS people?? ELSA????????? With Frozen accurate backstory???? Ingrid was okay but they DIDN'T NEED ELSA FIR THAT STORY TO WORK! It probably would've worked better without Elsa - and I dont dislike OUAT Elsa, but she didnt need to be there and it probably would've improved the season if she wasn't there.

Tho the queer villain throuple of Cruella, Ursula & Maleficent is very fun. And make the second half of season 4 a lot better than the first.

I have pretty mixed feelings about the author tho, like hes interesting in concept, and the execution isn't the worse, but it could be better.

Regina is perfect as always (I love her) (too much) (shes so pretty) (I'd let the evil queen kill me) (I wanna raise Henry with her and be her wife) (I cant tho) (so Emma & Regina should kiss) (but I do actually like Robin)

Robert Carlyle is amazing as Mr Gold and Rumple still.

I kinda hate Snow this season, she stole Maleficent's baby, cursed the baby & only regretted it upon realising it was human, hides things from Emma, shames Emma for her magic & considers letting Emma get rid of it, and more.

dude ive never even watched rick and morty but like. i look at rick. this complete mess. an alcoholic. apparently a kinda shitty dad i think idk again i never watched it. and i go "yeah. stan would probably hit that."

Haymitch and his ducklings

drawing my favourite interaction from the voices >_<

they love a good woman made entirely out of swords.

and the scene ofc

Somewhere out there in the multiverse there exists a Jerk Ford

Not an evil Ford, he's just a massive jerk. To everyone, except (ironically) his own version of Stan.

People didn't exclude him while he was growing up because of his six fingers, but because he was an absolute dick all of the time.

The only reason their high school wanted to send Ford to that fancy college was to send him away and make it way less likely he would ever come back to Jersey.

Stan still breaks his Perpetual Motion Machine, but this version of Ford chooses to believe him when he says it was an accident, and stands up for him when Filbrick tries to kick Stan out.

He still goes to Backupsmore, this time with Stan (who graduated) in tow, and the only reason he and Fiddleford are 'friends' is because Ford still mathematically proved Fiddlefords theory on the Universe being a Hologram, but he rubs it in Fiddlefords face for not proving it on his own.

Backupsmore University only gives Ford the research grant in hope he'll leave and never come back.

The only reason he takes a deal with Bill is because he's going to build that portal, only to never activate it as a 'psych!' on Bill. He doesn't even care he's creating something that would revolutionize science as they know it, he just wants to troll a 'God'.

Stan has to convince (i.e actually beg) Fiddleford to help Ford.

Fiddleford doesn't even accidentally get his head sucked into the portal this time, he leaves because he could only stand Ford for so long before being done (he kept peeling the stickers off the Cubiks Cubes and putting them on different squares so Fiddleford couldn't solve them).

This time Ford goes through the portal, and it breaks, because he accidentally fell asleep in the portal room and got possessed by Bill who tried opening the portal, but Stan had to fight him to stop him, only to accidentally shove Bill!Ford into the portal.

Since Stan and Ford were known to be two separate people the whole time, and Stan just reported Ford as 'Missing' and he never took his identity, the townsfolk assumed he'd actually murdered Ford, but they never question it because they're just so glad that he's gone. They had a celebration and everything. Stan was the only one in town who didn't go.

Jerk Ford goes out into the multiverse and every single other Ford, even the evil ones, absolutely hate this guy because no one can push their buttons better than, well, themself. He's not even a wanted criminal, because none of the dimensions want him there, they want him to be another dimensions problem.

There's a Ford Hate Club that isn't for hating on all Fords, just this one. Most of it is made up of other Fords.

Canon Ford hates him for being a massive jerk, only for Jerk Ford to tell him that biggest difference between them really is that he chooses to not be a jerk to the one person who matters most to them (i.e their twin brother Stan). The one Ford who appreciates his Stan and it's the Biggest Jerk ever.

Jerk Ford is still a jerk to alternate versions of Stanley, too. It's literally just his own that he's not a jerk to.

Thirty years later when Stan fixes the portal and brings him back, everyone else in Gravity Falls is immediately mad at him for bringing him back, including Dipper and Mabel who dislike him as soon as the glamour of a 'cool space Grunkle' wears off. Although, Dipper already disliked Ford before he even met him because his research journals give advice on cryptids that seems helpful, but is actually the opposite. (Like saying people should definitely and exclusively use water on Gremloblins).

The only reason Dipper wanted to find The Author in this dimension is that he wants to punch him in the face for his trolling.

So when Ford comes out of the portal he doesn't try to punch Stan, in fact he goes in for a hug, only for Dipper to punch him instead as soon as he heard 'The Author of the Journals'.

Stan tries to convince Ford to be nice to Mabel and Dipper; Ford isn't necessarily nice to them, but he isn't as big of a jerk as he could have been, which is a lot for him. So he doesn't purposely tangle all of Mabels yarn, or kill off Dippers character in Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons.

Weirdmageddon still happens, but this time it's Dipper who destroys the snowglobe with the rift because he never wanted to be Fords apprentice, so he never knew what the rift was. He ended up breaking it on purpose because he got so sick of Fords shit that he wanted to break something Ford liked.

The reason they couldn't get the zodiac circle together during Weirdmageddon isn't because of Stan and Ford fighting, but because Ford couldn't stop being a jerk for two seconds and Robbie let go of his hand.

Weirdmageddon ends the same as it did in canon, with Stan sacrificing himself because of Fords metal plate, except this time Mabel and Dipper are even more frantic to bring their Grunkle Stan back, because they don't want him to be a blank slate that their Grunkle Ford would influence and possibly turn into another jerk (Which is something Jerk Ford actually wouldn't do, because he loves his brother for who he is).

Old Man McGucket himself personally funds The Stan O'War II expedition (not just the boat itself but stuff like the passports, paperwork, living expenses, ect.) just to keep Ford on the ocean, as far away from other people as possible.

And this is a sane Steve Jobs -esque Old Man McGucket who was never traumatized by the nightmare realm because of Ford. That's how much of a jerk this Ford is.

THE END... Go Home.

Just thinking about how like, when I was a teenager, the gayest show we had was Merlin, which was somehow super gay and also incredibly homophobic.

But now y’all teens have your pick of queer characters. Soft gay teenagers? Check. Gay royalty? Check. Gay pirates? Check. Gay vampires? Check. Gay angels and demons? Check.

It’s a damn LGBT smorgasbord out there.

Peter "She came with me" Mellark

Peter "We actually got married" Mellark

Peter "If it weren't for the baby" Mellark

FAE STAN IS SUCH A COOL IDEA!! Ford, not even knowing his brother is a fae creature, going to the fae realm for research purposes or stumbling upon a faerie ring and BAM!! Stan’s there! But he looks?? Wrong? His nose that used to be crooked was straight, his yellowed teeth were bone white, his skin was unblemished, years of acne scars wiped away, and suddenly Ford was staring at a distorted version of his twin. For just a second Ford thinks it’s just a trick, but no fae would react the way Stan did by just seeing him, his perfect skin taking a deathly pale shade at the sight of Ford’s face. His twin, it’s seems, has a lot of explaining to do.

(Cut to Stan trying to trick Ford into making a deal with him, just for funsies.)

Sorry for the ramble, non-human Stan is one of my fav tropes!!

Oh man that's way less angsty than my idea.

In mine he drives off, then gets portaled into the fae realm as a failed changeling, since he didn't make it to 18 with his human family. Spends the next several days whiplash learning about fae stuff, making fae friends and enemies, meeting his equally terrible fae parents, then drives out of the fae realm with a bunch of stolen treasures, confident he can win his place back with his family.

Exits the fae realm in Gravity Falls by crashing into Fords cabin, because the 10 days Stan's been gone equals 10 years in the human realm, and now little fae Stan is here at the height of Ford paranoia, distraught about how much time has passed, and the fact that Ford doesn't believe he's him.

I want less aroace representation that’s like ‘uwu I don’t even know what kissing is bc I’m so innocent and pure’ and way more ‘yeah I grew up in a brothel and it isn’t for me but I LOVE AND SUPPORT my sex worker sisters and so WILL be teaching all the concubines how to do the nastiest, wildest sex to funnel money to my childhood brothel and also to advance my sociopolitical interests’. Or maybe I just need more Maomao period. All the Maomao.