I Am The Trailer Park Darling

my dear cilla

Monday, March 17th 2025

Happy St Patrick's Day. Kiss me, I'm Irish (I'm not Irish).

Today I am feeling very sick n tired of life. Nothing is going well for me. Woke up at 5 in the morning to get ready and leave for school; my morning class got canceled, so I woke up early for nothing. I decided to go out and do some Instacart orders to make money, so I sat in parking lots of multiple stores and got no orders. Had to go to my afternoon class and forgot my jacket and school ID in the car, so I was freezing walking to class, thank god I'm at least wearing a sleeve shirt. I guess I can't blame the universe for all of my problems since a lot of things are my fault.

My grade in microeconomics dropped because I missed class the day before spring break. I constantly feel like a failure. At this point, this blog will become my diary, and every post will make me sound more insane. I'm so tired.

St Patrick's Day reminds me of my mom because it was the last holiday I spent with her before she died. She died on March 18th. For the holiday, we went out with our families to downtown Chicago. I don't think I've been downtown since then. I've gone to different areas of Chicago for concerts, just not downtown. Maybe one day, I will take the train there and explore. Chicago is a ghetto hell hole, though, so we'll see about that.

lasso 𐚁⋆｡˚ ⋆

I want the imaginary man I made up in my head to give me cigarette burns and make fun of me when I cry because it hurts

Girl keep a Jodi arias mugshot poster on ur bedroom wall b4 doing it with a boy

me n who

Monday, March 31st, 2025

Hi sorry for not writing any blog posts, I'm really depressed lol.

Hmmm I'm gonna make an April in's and out's list

In:

90s music, black combat boots, floral scents, white bedding, vanilla lattes, wearing tights, scrapbooking, history documentaries, keychains, claw clips, tote bags

Outs:

Hoka gym shoes, gymshark brand clothes, hot coffee, the color orange, Taylor Swift, choker necklaces, buying overpriced things you can't afford

I'm really into music right now, I kinda just listen to music and do schoolwork all day. It isn't the worst thing ever. I value the time I've spent with my friends lately. Last night, my best friend and I watched a movie yesterday and ate gyros. My last midterm of the semester is tomorrow. My friend and I picked our dorm for next year, we have a lake view which will be nice. The medieval times trip was fun, the food was actually pretty decent, and the show was entertaining. I was super tired after that trip though.

I've been feeling tired constantly, no matter how long I sleep. I'm eating balanced meals, taking walks, and practicing self care, so I can't think of a reason why I feel so tired. Maybe I will feel better once midterms are over. I must admit, I have been anxious and I think about the future a lot, and worry about things I need to do. I am constantly building a schedule in my brain. So many things to do, so little time.