John Mulaney And Nick Kroll Did My Econ Homework And I Think I Finally Get It.

I’m looking at you, Dolly Parton.

It must suck being a little person at an amusement park. You know when you were a kid and you’d look at the big rides and be like, “One day, I’ll be tall enough to ride those.” They never got to do that. They never got to ride the big rides. Somebody build these people an amusement park.

“I don’t want to get the vaccine because there’s only a 3% fatality rate.”

If someone hands you a hundred skittles and tells you three of them are poison, you still probably wanna avoid the skittles.

I realized recently that I separate different periods of my life by my hair, which now makes me think that because I’m in a new stage of my life I should change my hair again.

Teacher: I’ll do my best to work with students who have any sort of health issues.

Me: *misses one day due to my health issues*

Teacher: Well you were absent so it’s your responsibility to figure everything out.

Things only siblings can relate to:

Finding empty cereal boxes in the cabinet because your sibling was too lazy to throw it away

Taking the tv remote with you so they can’t change the channel

Making sure they’re out of the room before you get out of the good chair, so they can’t steal it

“Oh, come on, I didn’t hit you that hard!”

When you can’t think of a comeback so you just make a face at them

That feeling of victory when you started the fight, but your sibling gets blamed for it

When your sibling ate the last Gogurt

“Get out of my room!”

Giving your sibling the small portion when you have to share something

When your younger siblings get to do everything earlier than you did

Watching your sibling look for the remote when it’s under you

Racing to see who can get to the shower first

“Ooooh, you have a boooyyyfriend!!!!”

hmmm

Happy Friday the 13th!

There’s gonna be a full harvest moon tonight too! The moon is gonna be red! THIS WON’T HAPPEN AGAIN UNTIL AUGUST OF 2049! AHHHHHHH!

It takes so many spoons just to be goth. I hope everyone appreciates the effort I put into being a social outcast.