So Once Me And My Wife Were Watching A Documentary Where A Snake Ate Like A Million Eggs. That Snake

so once me and my wife were watching a documentary where a snake ate like a million eggs. that snake just went to fucking town on eggs. and the snake made the eggs look so good that i kept thinking about it, and thinking about it, and thinking about it, and eventually it was 11pm and i ran out of willpower and decided to eat one (1) singular raw egg just to prove to myself that the snake was surely a liar.

the snake was not a liar. texture is like, super important to me and raw eggs are very Texture so i had another one, and then another one, and then another one, and eventually i ran out of eggs.

i had like, fifteen raw eggs.

i didnt really know how to explain this momentary madness to my wife, so my Plan was to put all the eggshells into a grocey bag, and then throw that grocery bag in the dumpster, and if she never noticed that would be Excellent and if she noticed immediately i could lie and say that the eggs went bad.

except i cant lie very good, and of course with murphys law being such, i got salmonella.

so i threw up a lot and my wife asked me what poisoned me so and i tried very hard to dodge the question but i was oozing shame like oil from a room temperature cheese and eventaully i gave in and told her everything and to her enormous credit she was more flabbergasted than actually upset. she did make me promise to not eat any more raw eggs, which i have stuck to, and she gives me weird looks during nature documentaries now as if desire was the only thing keeping me from eating thousands of pounds of krill anyway i made a joke earlier about being able to eat my age in eggs and my sister in law in law made a drawing to comemorate the moment and also because it was my birthday. she's excellent. thank you 10000000% @cintailed. you should all visit her page and admire her work.

So Once Me And My Wife Were Watching A Documentary Where A Snake Ate Like A Million Eggs. That Snake

More Posts from Moonsquaremars and Others

3 years ago
学式 · Some Studyblr Aesthetic
学式 · Some Studyblr Aesthetic

学式 · some studyblr aesthetic


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1 year ago
My Nero

my nero

we are misunderstood

lost in this maze

you were my hero

no one knows

the true depths of my despair

i thought since you related

you’d care

we can play the fiddle

while the city burns

hit the blunt first

then pass for my turn

what an artist dies in me

though you still helped me see

an objective observance

just one more dance

please

geez

i’m repeating a pattern

older by the day

my return of saturn

the future is unclear

are you listening, my dear

i love you all the same

my hairs wild and untame

are you really gone

or i’m just impatient

could we really be fated

to live apart, in adjacent

come back to me

or don’t. can’t be certain

your love is a burden

isn’t love always a burden

i’d throw it all away

just to lay by your side

destiny be damned

you’re my joy & pride


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2 years ago

我会说很多东西

je peux dire beaucoup de choses.

Reblog with your go to response to “Oh you speak <language>? Say something!”

8 months ago
Oh Tempest. As Pluto Never Quite Leaves Me The F*** Alone, I’m Gonna Turn My Attention To Saturn For

oh tempest. as pluto never quite leaves me the f*** alone, i’m gonna turn my attention to saturn for a second.

sza’s song literally touched me. i’ve been listening to her for years and she always comes out with songs that get me.

well, ya boy has so far survived his saturn return. i survived 27 by a thread, with the help of a very aries individual. he took me traveling around the country and helped me see things differently. helped me grow up. after all, 27 is when i realized i was no longer a kid. that summer was kind of my last ‘hoorah’. i was gettin deep in my lohan era, but eventually the queen herself had to step her p*ssy up and now she runnin a night club in greece. what more could you ask for? she dipped and recovered mighty fine. we could all learn from lindsay.

alas,

i’ve already spoken on my sun square saturn aspect. made me depressed af. but a sermon at a baptist church talked about misery being a ship that needs to set sail, not something to necessarily avoid. hearing that soothed my soul.

now that i’m older and the rules of the game are changing, one aspect of mine that is rather confusing, is that my north node (destiny point) in libra 3rd house, opposites my saturn in aries 9th house.

everyone talks about saturn return and how it’s hard and ruthless but you come out better and more mature from it. lord knows i am as impulsive as the rest of them, and have gotten burned quite a few times now. however, if saturn conjuncts my south node, or where i feel ‘comfortable’ but need to get away from, what could that possibly mean?

south node in aries means i’m very comfortable being confident in myself and other aries traits, but im here to learn the way of libra, that is relationships and compromise and society and rules. not just being so head strong and independent. saturn being here kinda throws me off. if yall have any suggestions, i’d like to hear.

currently i am faced with a dilemma involving my higher education. it seems my 12th house ways have led to the possibility i will not finish my bachelors degree. my crippled moon in the second house isn’t offering me too too much.

we’ll see what happens. i can’t seem to stop talking about astrology though.


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1 year ago

try saturn conjunct south node / opposite north node . . . . js

when you have saturn and north node in the same house and sign……..

1 month ago

真的有意思…

my job involves speaking chinese to actual important biznizz people and whilst in my waking hours I am mid but acceptable at work and in meetings, in my dreaming hours my subconscious serves up nightly dreams in which I am forced to orate classically for hours in front of my boss as if I am second in line for the throne and arguing that my elder brother's proposition to accept tax predominantly in copper instead of grain disproportionately hurts smaller farmers, 父皇之宽容,天下皆知,儿臣恳请父皇三思啊!and then when I wake up it's back to this situation is. uhh. difficult. and there are many angles

2 years ago

i really don’t like the stigma attached to schizophrenia.

schizophrenia is almost entirely a “first world problem”, meaning it doesn’t really exist outside of western or developed nations. in many tribal cultures, there are people with otherworldly gifts or abilities that are revered and admired. some tribes even experience group perception of certain spiritual entities or phenomena.

due to western society’s secularist tendency to deny the possibility of metaphysical phenomena outside of the spectrum of “normal” or common human sensory functions. (see, smell, hear)

western society has failed schizophrenic people with a medium with which this extrasensory energy is able to be expressed.

of course there is also psychosis induced from recreational drugs, but that is another topic entirely.


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4 months ago
Hilma Af Klint, The Swan No. 1

Hilma Af Klint, The Swan No. 1

4 months ago

I wish age gap discourse hadn't spiraled the way it has because I want there to be a safe space to say "Men in their 40s who date 25 year olds aren't predators, they're just fucking losers"

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