Joy Sullivan, “Before”, Instructions For Traveling West

le ciel

Joy Sullivan, from “Culpable”, Instructions for Traveling West

bad art or something

I've had the suspicion since this evening that someone was here with me. My immediate instinct is my ex boyfriend Andrew, who died a few years ago. His birthday is a week away.

The light began to subtely get brighter and then dimmer, very slow and softly. Later the front door just randomly blows open, but I look at the screen door and notice it isn't moving from the wind. That one is still, coulda just been the wind.

But I put a lightbulb in J's bedroom downstairs, and am here doing homework. The light keeps flickering. I always pay attention when a light flickers. Always. Sometimes I'm able to shrug it off. Sometimes lights do just flickr.

The light keeps flickering at certain times. I know what he's saying, despite me trying to ignore it. I picked up the phone to call the guy I'm currently dating. I press his name to call, get a flickr, so I hang up. I sit there for a couple minutes, then pick up my phone to call him again. I press his name, light immediately flickrs. I hang up.

Frustrated, I try calling a third time. He doesn't even answer. A few seconds later, the light flickers. "I told you so" Comes to my mind.

I start to ignore the light. There's not a consistent amount of time in between flickers. I start to get frustrated cuz I don't know what it means.

I'm doing my laundry and light hasn't been doing anything. Then as soon as I pick up E's mom's sweater, the light flickers. "Got ya" He says that time. I can't avoid the fact that it flickered at the moment I touched the most sentimental article of clothing, the one that was most important to me, while doing my laundry.

I go upstairs and do some homework. I come back down and light is fine. I get on my computer and I take a photo on photobooth. Light flickers immediately after the shutter stops. I'm like ok, I get it. I'm being vain. But I go to take another one like a minute later, and as soon as the shutter stops, light flickrs.

It's flickered a million times as I write this. I can't write every detail, but it keeps flickering at the precise moment. It flickers at other times too, like just now. I can't tell if it is a warning, or a message of hope, or what. He's probably telling me I'm off the wagon.

I just remembered I forgot the most important detail lol. I start to record a video after the two flickrs after I take a photo on photobooth. The video stops recording, on its own, at the 1:11 mark. My hands were not near the trackpad. They know what I pay attention to. I should probably just start to listen.

This, in conjunction with the most recent tarot card reading I was called to receive, leads me to the conclusion that it is over with 8th house sun.

I was so pissed after that reading. The first two tarot readings I got occured in a similar fashion. I was drawn in to the first one, then the second one. I had been wanting another for a week or two, but the time didn't feel right. Then one night, I felt pulled into a tiktok live. I was like I'm over this, exited out. But then a few minutes later, same tiktok live shows up again. I'm like fine. The dude is saying a lot of things that align with me.

The reading didn't tell me what I wanted to hear. He said the cycle had been closed, it was over. 8th house sun had moved on. He said I was still holding onto something that was preventing me from moving on, and he was right. I've been pushing it off for very very long. I don't want to give it up, but I think it's well past time.

Rupert Wise : a poetic romance. 1889. Book cover detail.

Internet Archive

my natal chart [will expand on this later.]

Sun in Cancer in Twelfth House

Oh boy. Where do I start with the twelfth house. As if being a cancer wasn’t hard enough!

Moon in Virgo in Second House

Moon in second house, that placement I actually quite fancy. Virgo though? Talk about nervous wreck! Very insecure growing up, for various reasons, and overly privy to detail that I’m still realizing not everyone else is like.

Mercury in Gemini in Eleventh House

Yes I will talk your head off. And yes I will look damn good while I do. Did someone say secular humanism?

Venus in Gemini in Eleventh House

I have three boyfriends at any given time. We need to have a mental connection before anything else is guaranteed. Take me to a gala, a fancy restaurant. Let’s drink wine and lavish in ourselves all night.

Mars in Gemini in Eleventh House

If I like you, I will insult you. If you can’t handle that, then **** ***. My body is small and thin. Lots of nervous energy. I think all the eleventh house energy gives me an aquarian persona, paired with my aquarius draconic moon. which is supposedly what your soul really is. but is our soul really bound by the paradigms of this universe? i dunt think so.

Francois Le Diascorn. Notre-Dame de Paris. 1980s

Ho trovato ciò che non mi piace della Francia!!!!

Macron

[Sarebbe stupendo vivere in un luogo dove ti senti fortemente rappresentata ma tant'è che mi chiedo " Esiste?" ]

Blue Utramarine   -   Magi Puig,  2004.

Catalan, b.1966 -

Oil on canvas,