Never Kill Yourself

chase tomorrow again

it feels like my throat and insides are being ripped out

goodbye everypony...this might be it for me

dry swallowed a pill. dying

wikipedia no longer being anywhere near the top of search results when looking up anything feels eviscerating

Hot take: Haruka being an adult changes literally nothing about his character. WTF is up with y'all

gonna tier for kana5 or ena5 (haven’t decided yet) but i’m kinda scared because the last time i tiered for something i got so burnt out i stopped playing pjsk for a year 💔

hello everypony!! ^^ i’m back after a day of absence tehe >//< and yes!! the voices are getting louder!! XDDDDpleasekillmeDDDDDDDD

Trial 2 - 016 Memory report

Record no.5

The bright-pink silhouette flickered in the front of the train leaving. Before I could scream out anything, I’ve already run out of time. She demanded promises from me, but never wanted to give me one, not even one. I was a child too; I didn't know how to do anything right too. Why do I still wear these gloves? I've long grown up, I've got no grudges, no regrets. I understand. The one who's older and keeps a calm face can't be helpless.  Here's a riddle for you, a puzzle: who will you save when two people are drowning?  The one who you love, or who loves you? The correct answer is,  I can't swim. … Art supplies broke on the floor with a loud thud; I asked, what is her surname? I checked the age again, trying to pull out memories of the year we met, the year she left, my birth year, counting the birth year of “her” that I remember. She lied to me. No matter how much I pleaded, I could never become someone to tell the truth to. She lied to me. Even after leaving me many years ago, she's been lying to me this whole time! 

Record no.6

Hey. Going out of your way that much is gross. You need to make an effort to care, for sure, but you need to make an effort to not care to this point. Text me tomorrow morning You're not sleeping. It's not the time you go to sleep at. I was busy [Quoted message] What for? 9 a.m., right? If you don't text me before that time, I'll think that you're dead. <...> I'll find you either way. Now this is a threat. Everything I tell you is supposed to be a threat. Did you forget?  [Quoted message] It's not fair I really couldn’t ever become someone to tell the truth to

Record no.7

I couldn't fall asleep all night.  Well, it might be because I woke up too late, but being unable to fall asleep when I'm upset and exhausted is the most annoying. I think I'm going to suffocate. The average temperature is around 8 degrees. A fog will be occupying some areas first thing in the morning. While it's expected to be thin, it’s going to disrupt visibility. There is a high chance of rain starting around afternoon and continuing until evening.  I started preparing at 7 hours 3 minutes. The weather was chilly, but because it was hard to breathe, I put on only two shirts. It happens sometimes. I need to freeze to wake up properly, or maybe it's a form of self-punishment, either way, the train station isn't too close to where I live, so I needed to have enough time. Are you seriously listening to all that? I left my house at 7 hours 16 minutes. Looking back at it, why did I take so long? I always took too long to get ready… That's one of my traits that made me impossible to deal with…  Maybe because a few days before it I asked you to please not leave me alone, no, it's not the way I worded it, so no wonder you hated it… There's too much of me, but when my presence is actually necessary, I flee from the scene...  I still don't know who, when and where are appropriate, so I get myself in trouble all the time. I have no idea how to do that, even though I make my life revolve around it, I haven't learned such things to this day. 5 minutes before arriving there, I looked at my phone and saw 8 hours 13 minutes. I didn't have anyone to talk to, so I simply stared at the screen. Though my collar is unbuttoned, I keep choking, what an annoyance. You might wonder, how do you remember the time so precisely? Well, everything is possible in a dream, no?  I arrived at the station at  That's the honest way to put it. Might be a bit too honest? I'm tired of small talk, so I throw around love confessions.  I think of getting your attention all the time, can't help it, but you can't imagine it. Hm… That's right. I'm the type to observe from the sidelines. Those “love confessions”… might be too empty to make any change, I cowardly cover my face and become all alone once again… the time that I ran out of. At -1464 hours -87840 minutes, I suffocated.

anyway shout out once again to love me normally by will wood for being one of the few pieces of art I've encountered that takes that feeling seriously.

I've always felt that whenever I say I wish I could be "normal," people rush to jump down my throat with the same adages- that "normal is boring," "there's no such thing as normal," whatever. and that's typically the moral pushed in anything that deals with the idea of feeling abnormal. which is usually well-intentioned, but when you go days of your life desperately wanting to know and understand normality, it just feels isolating. I always hated being told "just be yourself" for a slew of reasons, but mainly because it just... sort of does nothing.

which is why I love the song so much. it really sits with that dysphoric feeling (in a general sense), gives a voice to it, and lets you just feel without being told to just get over all that pain and shame. there's nothing about how your abnormality is actually a "superpower," nothing about how "normal is just a setting on the dryer," nothing about "everyone is a little quirky in their own way" (and even if they are, at least they're better at hiding it than I am, goddammit!). it allows you to process those emotions instead of instantly shutting them down. like, yeah. sometimes it does suck to feel you aren't normal. sometimes, you do want normalcy, even if you know it's just a "majority concept" you as an individual have no control over, as richard matheson put it. I think it's so, so important to be honest and recognize when that awful feeling is there- and this song has done that for me in a way that nothing else really has.