unfortunately for cleo they accidentally met all of the criteria
joel left the series spamming ender pearls and zipping around, mad about his trap not working? guess he went out... fast and furious
As a bisexual, it sickens me that some people WILL keep scrolling.
does anyone knows who made the diary of a wimpy kid autism scale bc i literally think abt it all the time
early stages of friendship are Soooo embarrassing like yea sorry....... it's me again............ i enjoy talking to you and spending time with you....... you can shoot me point blank if you want i dont mind
realizing I missed one of my mutuals' posts so now I feel like a deadbeat mutual
another plurality wildcard for your collection: people get randomly assigned into duos (outside of their alliances) and one piggybacks on the other. they can change who's walking and who's piggybacking but they cannot escape each other. person on piggyback is harder to reach in pvp but cannot hit other players; person walking can control where both of them go and can pvp, but is more likely to get hit. it would be so unbalanced but so funny...
It WOULD be unbalanced, but that's also the average plural experience, so
spanners vibe for me
※ traced
another batch of life series text posts~~
1 / 2 / 3 / 4
Sorry the worms got to my brain
wild life
I wish you coulda seen the look on my face when I glanced at Bdubs’ comment section for his wild life ep2
Red Life 💔
Seven Holy Nights of Jeremy (Joel Week) Day 3: Red
I need another life series after Wild Life where Scott and Etho team up from the beginning and I need it viscerally
SAME I need to study the way Etho behaves around Scott. He rarely talks to Scott on camera, and yet he’s so comfortable around him. He’s always looking to make Scott laugh. Scott is always looking to make sure Etho is as comfortable as possible. Etho calling Scott “handsome” when Scott was disguised as Etho even though this was not the first time we’ve seen Scott in Etho’s clothes.
I want them in a lab. I want to put them through scenarios. I want a whole season of them being allies. I want to see them make each other laugh. They rarely talk, and yet Etho can make Scott laugh so hard he can’t breathe without even trying that hard. I want Etho to team up with Scott and realize that he doesn’t have to sneak out and make secret alliances with other teams because Scott ALSO wants to make alliances with other teams. I want Scott to be on a team with only people who don’t pick fights with other teams, and by “team with only people” I mean “team that is just Etho”. I need them isolated. There cannot be unaccounted factors within the immediate faction.
I want Etho to say “You know first hand that I’m not a great teammate” and for Scott to say “I don’t need a great teammate. I need a good friend. I need someone who hears me. I need someone who looks out for me.” I want Etho to feel so much thoughtfulness and earnestly from Scott. I need them either to make it to the final two and for Scott to sacrifice himself in some dramatic way or for them to go out together, each one rushing to protect the other.
I have so many delusional ideas for them. I want them to have languid mornings together, and I want Scott to paint Etho’s nails. I want Scott to teach Etho how to dance, and I want Etho to show Scott quiet affection. I need them to be soft and safe and secure.
After the Wild Life finale? I need a fic where Etho shows up to Scott’s door, sweating and panting, with a bouquet of blue hydrangeas - meaning “deep remorse/apology”. I need him to explain that it was an accident, and he would’ve never let that arrow fly had he known.
I would love love love to see the Traffic Life Trivia as Um Actually questions. I know it wouldn’t have worked given the nature of Um Actually, but I can imagine a bonus episode where they just answer Triaffic Life trivia questions in the Um Actually format, where three players are called to compete against each other to answer questions in rounds and the winners then compete against each other in a tournament style. Cherrifire hosts it. Martyn yells “GET IN THE COMMENTS” every time he isn’t given points for his answers. The players who are not actively answering questions are behind the camera reacting to answers. Every time the answer to a really hard question is revealed, you can hear everyone else in the background going “OH COME ON” “HOW WOULD WE HAVE KNOWN THAT”. Sometimes the players behind the camera try to pantomime the answers. Without remorse, Cleo, who watches Dropout, keeps stealing answers from players who keep forgetting to say “Um Actually”.
so... wild life, huh?
Grian three-ish years ago: hey Ren meet my friend Martyn. he plays fortnite
Ren a couple days ago: Martyn, I cannot bear to think of a universe where our souls are not tied. We're the earth and the moon, pulled into continual and unceasing orbit to one another. In your absence I become a lesser man. I will destroy the fabric of the world to bring you along with me, ignore the rules of the game. You will carry my banner, I will carry your soul.
Grian a couple days ago: hey what the hell
I am literally crying over ren also following etho's order when he got the zombie summoning powers cause half of him is martyn so what he has to do he does as well
The winner of wild life!! Joel Smallish Beans!
Winners head cannons
Grain has permanent bruises on his body due to dying, so soon after the cactus fights.
Scott and Pearl feel phantom pain if they see the other person get hurt.
Martyn is obsessive with how he spends his time even tho he isn't on limited time anymore.
Scar is just a little insane due to being alone from the end of secret life and the start of real life.
Cleo gets motion sickness a lot.
Joel is open and treats the other winners like family (maybe not scott).
The secret reason that men wear tuxedos at formal events but women wear sleeveless/ thin strap dresses is because if men showed their shoulders it would be too distracting for the women
Imagine this: a wild card that makes everyone’s hybrid instincts go into overdrive.
Grian perches on Mumbo’s shoulders, squawking at anyone who gets too close. He somehow manages to steal something from every player for his nest, despite living on people’s shoulders and backs the whole time. He doesn’t give the items back once the session’s over.
Tango wanting to keep his pyre warm. He starts off just clinging to whoever’s nearest, but it soon turns into “Tango! Too hot!” and he’s absolutely crushed he can’t just set everyone on fire. Eventually they get out fire resistance potions so he can make everyone as warm as he wants, because watching him be a sad pathetic cat was no fun.
Jimmy unable to stand being away from his flock. If he’s left alone for as little as one minute he has a breakdown, because his flock is leaving him and they hate him and the world is ending. Him and Grian get along well.
Ren for the most part is normal, but he does require head scratches often. He brings sticks to other players to throw, immediately chasing it and bringing it back. He also tries to eat… everything. He chews up so many of his things that the chests end up getting locked. Martyn is tired.
Lizzie immediately gets stuck in a tree and has to be saved. She’s already quite a menace, but with her feline instincts turned up she’s more feral than ever. She knocks things over, digs in people’s storages, and hisses at anyone who gets too annoying. She has to be kept away from the giant bird that is Jimmy, unfortunately he becomes a tasty snack in her eyes.
There’s thankfully some normal, non hybrid players on the server that can help out. There’s also, luckily, hybrids whose instincts don’t get in the way too badly.
Scott, an ice elf, just has to make sure he doesn’t get too warm or he’ll get sick. Pearl occasionally has to be dragged away from light sources, but otherwise she’s great help. Impulse helps as well, when he’s pulled away from making mischief with the fae that is Gem. Skizz is a saint (literally) and does his best to make everyone happy. This does end in a breakdown for Skizz, because helping people is his job, he needs to make them happy, but even instincts can’t stop Impulse from comforting him.
They all end up in a pile at spawn by the end of the session, some players having breakdowns or freaking out when they can’t make sure everyone is safe.
…And Bdubs spent the whole time either asleep or screaming at people. Damn phantom hybrid.
hermits vs kids irl, my favourite stories:
the time Joe and his kid were at a shared pool somewhere and another kid was talking so loudly about how cool Iskall is
the time Cleo was teaching in primary school and got asked 'have you ever heard of mumbo jumbo, miss' and then having to act like they haven't known him since he was 17
the time etho was out with a friend and the friend's kid went 'omg that's etho' to their dad, and the dad came back like 'why does my kid know you?'
the time that Cleo left their job to be a YouTuber and their whole class was desperately trying to figure out who she was
Joe's kid going from 'minecraft sucks' to my friends are grian stans so I am too, dad explain grian to me (dad can we get hermitcraft (grian), no we have hermitcraft at home (Joe Hills))
Impulse's whole extended family being made to watch his new hermitcraft rap as Christmas entertainment by his mum
every take my kid to work hermitcraft video. from stress' kid dissing her season six castle, to Joe's kid getting multiple hermitcraft episodes dedicated to how much he loves her, keralis' ongoing joke about making his kids do all his grindy work, doccy chirping in the background of videos, and on and on and on
etho figured it out
Falls in, i would love to hear about this decked out/failed cave exploration au pls pls pls already i am Bewitched
hehehe [in tango's voice] sighh i suppose...
really im very tempted to just let it sit and not tell anything, because it's so fun seeing people theorize and point out details in the notes. but yeah i guess i shouldn't gatekeep it, its a fun au!
i do want to state in the beginning that it was a one-off thing and i have no plans on continuing it or drawing more for it. if you do tho? feel free! (not asking for fanart by any means, but giving the green light if anyone was wondering)
well
-------
Pet crew were a group of cave explorers. They're no experts by any means but they were no amateurs either! (ignore the fact that they're not wearing any PPE, i didn't want to draw it, ok--) And recently they've been excited about mapping out a new cave system they found, completely unexplored according to their research.
Tango, always a big lover of his plans and spreadsheets, presumably decided to go in alone ahead of time to sketch out at least a rough draft for a map, so they had an idea of what they're going to be dealing with.
But see, this cave is not an ordinary cave, no matter how pristine and untouched it looked. It is one gigantic organism of unknown origin, and a hunrgy one at that, the air inside it is filled with little cells or spores that, when inhaled enough, start taking over the body and corroding it to the cave's will. Killing the host in the process.
So, obviously, after spending some time in the cave by himself, Tango did get some cells in him. Not enough to be noticeable, but enough to give him a headstart on the corruption when the group went in for a proper dive some days later.
The first symptoms of undergoing the change are pretty standard: light fever, weakness, dizziness — easy to mistake for a flu.
Which is exactly what Tango did. Of course, going caving with a flu is not a smart thing to do either, but the group has been planning this trip for so long, delaying it even more because someone was slightly under the weather would've been foolish!
The cave started off with a big drop, requiring a rope to be set up, and then sprawled into a system of tunnels. Tango and Pearl were very excited to find an entrance to some ancient tombs a couple of hours into the dive. There were stairs leading even deeper underground, which turned out to be an entrance to a bigger cave system, with a huge frozen lake in the middle and an entrance to abandoned mines.
Further symptoms include skin turning pale, graying hair, eyes starting to shift color to red. Previous symptoms remain and intensify.
Tango had always been pale, he had blond hair too, and in the dark it was hard to notice the white streaks in them. The pink cheeks were easily passed as a result of being in the cold. Pearl did express some concerns about Tango's well-being when he started to fall back a bit, but he dismissed it as just him getting tired. By that point Pearl seemed to also have some "frost" in her hair.
After the hair have fully turned white, the tips start to switch color to an unnatural blue. Skin eventually loses color completely, turning gray. Fever intensifies as body desperately tries to fight the infection.
At that point it was impossible to deny that something was wrong with Tango. There are no mirrors underground though, so to him it was just his flu getting out of hand. Guilty of hiding his illness, yes, but nothing critical. The blue hair however were not normal, and the other two were freaking out a bit more than Tango would've hoped for.
They had an argument.
Etho snapped and hit Tango to beat some sense into his stupid head.
By that point Pearl was clearly looking bad too, and Etho's own hair were apparently turning white. They were all feeling terrible, physically and mentally. They decided to head home.
As previously stated, the cave is in fact alive and can sense when something that belongs to it is trying to escape. In an effort to stop it, the whole cave system comes to life. Old animal carcasses rise and start walking, small screeching creatures begin patrolling the tombs, the ice melts and the cave blooms in dangerous ways.
When the crew exited the mines into the second level of the cave system, it was apparent that the way back would be a lot harder. By that point Tango was struggling to stand and Etho had to drop his equipment to carry him. But the fever and the dizziness were making it hard to move fast, the changed layout of the cave was difficult to navigate even with their map, and the way to the surface was still very and very long. It was obvious they couldn't make it out....
Unless they were willing to make some sacrifices.
Etho isn't proud of his decision, but leaving Tango was their only option! He and Pearl still had a chance to escape if they moved quickly, but Tango was just too far gone, he couldn't-- Etho couldn't carry him to the exit, he was getting too tired, and if they all stuck together it would get all three of them killed! Was it not better for at least two of them to survive instead of-
They had another argument.
Pearl stubbornly insisted on taking Tango, so Etho had to lie to her and say that they will come back once they scout out the way. Etho couldn't force himself to look at Tango though, if he did he would be met with this knowing look and he just couldn't bear it. Tango cried when they were leaving.
After the body succumbs to the fever it stays dead for a short period of time, while the rest of the changes set in.
It took a miracle for both Etho and Pearl to reach the tombs, but the hard part came after. Etho did everything in his power to convince Pearl to leave with him, he said they will come back later when they're better prepared, he said it was too late to help Tango, he said it was Tango's own fault, he said many bad things, none of which were enough to change Pearl's mind. She turned back and Etho didn't follow her.
He ran through the tombs and the caves alone, losing his eye to a monster he saw all too late. It was painful and it was disorienting, Etho doesn't even remember how he got to the initial drop they went down, he was panicking and only moving forward because of adrenaline and instinct. The ascend was a fever dream, Etho doesn't know how he didn't fall to his death then.
Through the rush of blood in his head, Etho heard the faint sound of Tango's voice. Too cheery for his feverish condition, and much, much closer, a lot closer than the place they left him to die in. He did not hear Pearl. The sound stopped when it was right under him, and he felt a light tug on the rope he was hanging of. And nothing else happened...
Etho emerged from the cave into the cold night, stumbling over his own feet, too tired to run. Their van was parked over by the entrance and Gem was already waiting for him. Him — shaking, bloody and alone.
...
The body reanimates again, now obedient to the cave's will. It is no longer alive but it is not dead either, frozen, stalking through the tunnels in a mindless haze.
Do you think Evbo ever gets cravings?
Sometimes I wonder if a diet of only raw meat mixed with the natural magic that would come from being so close to The Void 24/7 could change the Noobs biologically. Not a lot, but it makes it easier for them to digest meat than other foods. Raw food becomes easier and easier on their stomach with each passing day. Over weeks their teeth turn sharp to help them rip apart the tough food they are given. They don't have the armor that the pros do, so the magic makes their legs sturdier. They can jump as fast as others without special training but the claws that can only be used through Leather Boots due to the flexibility of the material helps them grip the blocks better. Evbo has almost fallen many times because he tried to grip the edge of a block with his Talons and lean outward for a better view of something, only for his Talons to strike the metal of the soles of his boots instead of the soft grass and dirt. Their eyes shine back light due to the fact there are no light sources other than the sun.
Perhaps their arms are much stronger than any other layer as well, because they're the only ones who will sometimes slip and grabbing onto the side of a block they haul themselves back up. Never when a Pro is around to see them of course, but in secret they teach eachother how to Grip.
These changes only really effect those who have lived there for weeks or months, with Evbo and The Old Man being the Most Changed of all of them due to being the only ones who have survived there for Years. Evbo doesn't know why he makes everyone on the higher levels nervous when they look at him. He doesn't know that he literally registers as Other to them with proportions that are Slightly Off. Arms to thick, claws to long, teeth to sharp, eyes that reflect Golden.
Mmm, this started off as reasons why Evbo would crave raw meat and spiraled into him being Uncanny Valley to the Masters and Pros. But speaking of meat! I wonder if his transformation over the years left him craving the taste and texture of raw meat. I wonder if he ever goes to the Pro Level as champion to "inspect" the farms and take 3 or four raw stake and chicken and run all the way to his throne with them. I wonder if he has a chest next to it, packed with ice. A chest stocked with raw meat that he can tear into and taste Home. I wonder if he ever cries into his hidden meat stash.
I wonder what EMF thought when he became champion and found a chest packed with ice and raw meat sitting in a place only Evbo could reach before that moment. I wonder if he asked. I wonder if Evbo would have answered.
OOOOO THIS IS SUPER COOL! I really love the way you wrote it, body horror is just so much fun. This honestly reminded me of the Magnus archives a tad, so if you are into that sort of stuff I would check it out. In other minecraft related propertys I've played around with ideas of the void warping and twisting creatures into something that Isn't quite human, I think I have a grian fic about that floating around on a03. While it's not an idea I've given more thought to for Parkciv I still think it's really cool! I think it would also be kinda interesting to combined with another idea. I think it would be really interesting if becoming a god slowly starts to change Evbo, I've always thought it would be interesting if after becoming a god evbo starts to lose some of his human traits physically showing how different he was now than what he once was and the people he cares about. If this is combined with your idea about Evbo being different than everyone else because of the void, his godhood could slowly remove these traits and thus remove the last few connections he has to his life before. One day there would be nothing left to show of the time he spent everyday struggling it would be like it never happened, no one but him even remembered what it was like. He was scarred in more ways than one but they showed that he had overcame it, now it was nothing but a distant memory. He might even start to ask himself after enough time has past, did it even happen? It wouldn't be the first time his memories lied to him.
(btw sorry for being slow with the replies kinda had a hectic day and I didn't want to just reply to it on my phone)
You know, a Minecraft Movie could have been a literal masterpiece if you had the right mindset to do it, and I'm not joking. I feel like nowadays studios are afraid of being genuine like a teen is afraid of being genuine. If a movie suddenly gets too excited about something, it needs to put it down so it doesn't sound "lame" or "cringe". You cannot be honest, and you cannot show love or absurdity without pointing out that it's stupid because you think OTHERS will believe it's stupid. So please bear with me:
Currently we have only a teaser trailer, it looks bad, it puts itself down, it's afraid of being genuine, it somehow managed to whitewash Steve (again), and I doubt that it will use things like the End Poem or how it feels to play Minecraft for its themes and story. I hope that I'm wrong, but I'm very cynical. So, let's think about it together.
Minecraft Movie. I saw a post suggesting stop-motion animation for it, and, honestly, it feels perfect, just like stylized 3D animation. Live action actors do not work with how Minecraft looks, and that's okay. Let's do an animated movie.
The plot. There's so, so many possibilities, but the beauty of making a Minecraft animated movie is that you won't ever be able to tackle all the possibilities it brings to the table. The community has made so many stories for the game, so we might as well just think of an "official" movie as a homage to the game and its community. We are adapting the way Minecraft feels.
End Poem, one of the most beautiful things I have ever read. Let's take that and put it in the movie, simple as that. You can only find it by defeating the Ender Dragon, so this will be how our movie ends. If we want it to end like this, then the objective of our protagonists must be to defeat the dragon.
Let's have Steve as our protagonist - not a whitewashed version, just Steve with his actual skin color left just the way it is. He'll represent us as players for our hypothetical movie. Have him wake up in an unknown world, not knowing why he's there. Just like how the game was all the way back in 2009, he's alone in a very lonely and foggy world. We follow him trying to look for other people, and then he has to survive his first night. This first part is both whimsical and a bit scary, because that's how many players felt when they first started it when they were kids, aallllll the way back.
Steve survives his first night. He's horrified, and then he realizes that he'll have to do it again. He doesn't know the "rules" of this world, but he's figuring them out, and the idea of "rules" and "what to do" will be important. Because, at its core, Minecraft doesn't have that many rules. It has no actual objective. You can do whatever you want, and this will be very (very) important.
Steve ends up building a small base with wood. Survives a bit more, and then, someway, somehow, he finds Alex. While he's more careful around things and very thoughtful on how and what to build, Alex is more of an adventurer, following the little tidbits of personality we see from them during Minecraft trailers. They're happy to know that they aren't alone, and we follow them build a very strong friendship and teach each other new things, just like how it is playing Minecraft in real life. They find a village, and find out that maybe they can leave this world, or at least find some answers, if they defeat the Ender Dragon.
From there, we have a good objective. The two continue progressing, and their base ends up becoming a castle, because who didn't want to build a castle when they were kids? And the world seems progressively more alive thanks to their interference on it, thanks to them helping the villagers, thanks to them being the players that they are. If you want more conflict, just add the pillagers as well.
Eventually, Steve and Alex have an argument about their points of view. They both want to know what's going on, but their way of doing things are different, and they care a LOT about each other, they're best friends, but who is doing things the "right" way? I don't like the idea of them separating because that happens in way too many movies. I want to see these two stick together, but their insistence on trying to do it "correctly" ends up putting them in a lot of trouble because they can't cooperate anymore. Y'know. How people fight and argue about a "correct" way of playing the game. How we as players miss old Minecraft - or do we? Do we miss the simplicity of older times, or do we miss our childhood creativity and willigness to do whatever comes to mind?
Anyways. A good alternative to this conflict would be either Alex or Steve - I'm leaning more towards Steve - being hesitant at completing the End Portal. He doesn't want to end his "dream", he doesn't want answers or to escape this world (aka leave good memories behind), he wants to stay there, but Alex knows that they can't be like this forever, even if she wants to stay. Regardless, they eventually come to a mutual understanding, and, TOGETHER, they go and fight the Ender Dragon. They win, and then the End Poem happens.
The fight against the dragon wasn't the ending; the realization that there are, indeed, no rules to put them down, or that they HAVE to leave everything behind, is the ending. They hear the poem while sitting next to each other. The world changed because of them, and sometimes it was for the worse, and sometimes it was for the better, but it did become much kinder, and they weren't alone. They don't HAVE to be. Just like how it actually happened in the actual game, through the 15 YEARS since it started to exist, and oh my God it's been 15 years already?! Oh my God-
Anyways. Movie ends with Alex and Steve having a lighthearted argument over what to build next. Steve wants another castle, Alex says that she has amazing ideas for something she's calling a "mob farm", and "trust me, it'll make our lives SO MUCH easier". And they're just being silly, because there are no rules.
Anyways thanks for reading this post, feel free to add your own things to it! Just had to get it out of my chest.