THIS IS THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN

The Morning After I Killed Myself

The morning after I killed myself, I woke up.

I made myself breakfast in bed. I added salt and pepper to my eggs and used my toast for a cheese and bacon sandwich. I squeezed a grapefruit into a juice glass. I scraped the ashes from the frying pan and rinsed the butter off the counter. I washed the dishes and folded the towels.

The morning after I killed myself, I fell in love. Not with the boy down the street or the middle school principal. Not with the everyday jogger or the grocer who always left the avocados out of the bag. I fell in love with my mother and the way she sat on the floor of my room holding each rock from my collection in her palms until they grew dark with sweat. I fell in love with my father down at the river as he placed my note into a bottle and sent it into the current. With my brother who once believed in unicorns but who now sat in his desk at school trying desperately to believe I still existed.

The morning after I killed myself, I walked the dog. I watched the way her tail twitched when a bird flew by or how her pace quickened at the sight of a cat. I saw the empty space in her eyes when she reached a stick and turned around to greet me so we could play catch but saw nothing but sky in my place. I stood by as strangers stroked her muzzle and she wilted beneath their touch like she did once for mine.

The morning after I killed myself, I went back to the neighbors’ yard where I left my footprints in concrete as a two year old and examined how they were already fading. I picked a few daylilies and pulled a few weeds and watched the elderly woman through her window as she read the paper with the news of my death. I saw her husband spit tobacco into the kitchen sink and bring her her daily medication.

The morning after I killed myself, I watched the sun come up. Each orange tree opened like a hand and the kid down the street pointed out a single red cloud to his mother.

The morning after I killed myself, I went back to that body in the morgue and tried to talk some sense into her. I told her about the avocados and the stepping stones, the river and her parents. I told her about the sunsets and the dog and the beach.

The morning after I killed myself, I tried to unkill myself, but couldn’t finish what I started.

anyone who told you much ado about nothing is good and worth watching was RIGHT and you should listen to them

hozier singing about bones, dead bodies, preys, predators, decomposing, satanic sacrifice, anal sex:

me and the girls:

lamenting // april 2025

Cold days such as these bring back my fond memories of us together holding hands and exchanging warmth. I hope you miss it too.

the friend zone isn’t real

Witchcraft for the Home : Cleaning Edition

So for me cleaning in and of itself is a ritual. Cleaning my home is how I destress and organize my life, and how I help good energy flow into my home. For me clean counters are as important to my craft as Sage. So hear are a small list of things I do when cleansing my home.

🌱First things first. Open the GD windows. You have no idea how awful the stale air in your home is until you let some fresh air in. Especially if you live in a small apartment like I do. You’d be amazed how quickly that alone can lift the bad energy in your home. 🌱I wipe down my counters and such with those little wet wipe cleaning things. When I buy them I add a tiny drop of Frankincense essential oil and orange blossom essential oil to them and shake them up (I buy the none scented ones so that it doesn’t get all weird smelling)  🌱Same goes for floor cleaner. Add a small drop of whatever cleansing oil you like to clean your laminate or tiles floors. DO NOT ADD ANYTHING WHEN CLEANING REAL HARD WOOD. If you have real hard wood floors adding oils to your hard wood floor cleaner can mess with the ph and screw up your floors 🌱Put some moon water in your oil diffuser while you’re cleaning to help balance out the energy in your house 🌱Sprinkle some salt in the carpet right before you vacuum it up to pull up those bad vibes as well as the gross stuff in your carpets.  🌱Tidy up your altar. I don’t know about you but for me I could have a perfectly clean room and if my altar is a little cluttered then the room doesn’t feel clean. Making sure my tools are put away and my offering dish is clean is important.  🌱When sweeping, sweep the dust out the front door if you can. (Don’t sweep like, trash or anything out). 🌱Once everything is clean and fresh light some incense. I normally choose clove or vanilla to make my apartment feel cozy

the one-two punch of “eat your young” and “damage gets done” is so fucking underrated btw. this really raunchy, visceral callout of war profiteering and the people in power who sold out future generations for the sake of capital, followed immediately by this soaring coming-of-age anthem about waking up into the harsh reality of the world we were handed, being expected to bear both the consequences AND the blame, the feeling of powerlessness and the deep, aching nostalgia for a time when we didn’t have to constantly reckon with such a bleak existence

Dreamed I was swimming with fish, then I jumped out of the water and flew with the birds, then I fell and turned into a rock, then I grew into a tree.