I've Made It To The Radiance Three Times In A Row And I'm Terrified More Than Ever So, She's The Stinky

I doubt my aromantic identity a lot.

I want to date. I am very romance positive. I think I’ve had crushes before? Love is something I dive headfirst into - hell, I’ve even called myself ‘love incarnate’ multiple times. Shouldn’t I be, like, disqualified or something?

Like, yeah, my ‘crushes’ are usually sexual/platonic, any romantic attraction is very few and far between, and wanting to date is just nebulous and no attraction to anyone in particular (more just a vague yearn).

but it still feels…weird. I don’t relate with a lot of the community because of my experiences. It’s isolating. Yeah, I’ll stand with the rest of us - support every aro or support none of them - but it’s…lonely. I guess I just want to meet more people like me.

I know I’m aro. The label and its community has made a lasting impact on me, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to see the world the same way again. (This is awesome!!) but I guess I just feel…alone, sometimes. For how it presents in me. This leads to doubt.

but in the wise words of punkitt - “do whatever you want forever.”

(me, my parents, my sister, and the baby are sitting at the kitchen table eating lunch)

baby, pointing at the light fixture over the table and signing "on": o.*

my sister: we actually can't turn that light on right now, because the lightbulb inside is burnt out! it needs a new one.

baby: ighbu.

sister: yes, lightbulb! granddaddy said after we eat he's going to climb up there on a ladder and change it, and then the light will come on!

baby: gadada! adda, uuu! ighbu o!

sister: exactly!

baby, signing "on" and pointing at the light and then my dad, with increasing urgency: GADADA ADDA UUUU. O.

my sister: we're going to finish eating first though, ok?

baby: nonono. O. gadada adda uuu.

[a split second goes by]

baby, pointing to himself: ba. adda uuu. ighbu.

me: you're going to climb the ladder and change the lightbulb yourself?

baby: dzyeah. *pointing to the buckle where he is buckled into the high chair* ububu.

me: unbuckle you? so you can change the lightbulb?

baby, highly businesslike: dzyeah.

*pronounced like "on" without the n

Favourite genres of media include ‘makes me want to lie on the floor’ and ‘have to stop and stare into space about it for a while’ and sometimes both of those as well as ‘has rewired my brain so completely I will think about it every day forever’

Freshly molted cicadas are unreal

Me at 14 and me at 22 are having a bonding moment

Giving this website full of autistics obsessed with ranking and categorising stuff a poll option is like giving rats one of those buttons that makes cocaine

it has been __ days since my last lemm shitpost