What Would Change If The DMLE Was In Any Way Competent?

if you’re american and coming to australia, I’m gonna go ahead and say that you should be 100 percent way more worried about being king hit by a dude named “dane” in a bintang singlet than any fucking spiders that exist here

What if...

Petunia channeled her anger at growing apart from Lily and her jealousy into hating Severus Snape instead of magic itself? Snape was the initial factor drawing her sister away from her and has caused her harm directly.

she already referred to him as “that horrible boy” in canon, what if she genuinely hates him primarily in this universe?

then she overhears him raging about someone from Hogwarts to Lily after first year and decides whoever this “James Potter” person is, he is her new favourite person on the planet.

during the summer after the “mudblood incident” the Evans sisters reconcile

Petunia is judgmental and suspicious and Lily is bold and optimistic, but she knows the tensions in the wizarding world and Petunia listens to her stories with growing worry and starts thinking about safety measures

when Lily returns to Hogwarts, she never mentions her sister. She hides the letters they write in code and keeps her sister’s existence and their renewed relationship a closely guarded secret

their parents pass away and the sisters stand side by side at the funeral

Petunia packs her bags and moves to the city, where she meets Vernon Dursley

Lily starts fancying James Potter and to her surprise her sister is fully prepared to think well of him

once they are engaged, Lily introduces James to Petunia after getting the promise he would never mention her to anyone magical to protect her

social rank appreciating Petunia approves of the match, thinking that “even if of the weird kind, he is a proper person”, but she does not attend the wedding. it is passed off to those who inquire after Lily’s family as the sisters having grown apart early in their childhood

Lily and James however do attend Petunia’s wedding to Vernon Dursley, magic staying a closely kept secret, and help Petunia with her move to Surrey

when James and Lily are notified that Voldemort is after Harry, Lily immediately turns to her sister

Petunia is suspicious and pragmatic and resolute and suggests hiding far away from wizarding areas and cutting contacts as much as possible, especially after she hears about the spy in the Potters’ inner circle

she stretches her neck over hedges and pokes her nose into businesses until she learns that the folks in Number 2 Privet Drive are to move out within the month

James and Lily are taught the Fidelius Charm by Dumbledore and still hatch the plan of a decoy keeper with Sirius

but Lily is bold and optimistic and not going to take no for an answer and delves into blood magic until she can bind the secret and make Petunia Dursley their secret keeper

few magical people know of Lily Evans’ sister, nearly all of them believe they were estranged, none of them know that Miss Evans went to be Mrs Dursley or her new address

and only James and Lily know they moved from Gordric’s Hollow to Number 2 Privet Drive and keep in contact with the wizarding world only through the mirror to Sirius, who believes them in the wizarding town

Sirius and Peter believe the secret keeper to be Peter Pettigrew (who does keep the location of the house in Gordric’s Hollow), everybody else believes it to be Sirius Black, Petunia Dursley believes having her sister near and not being allowed to talk about it is a special kind of torture

ESPECIALLY because she alone has to deal with seeing James Potter prancing around the back garden now filled with over-glorified weeds (potion ingredients, her sister calls them) and sensible vegetable plots

he prances as a stag

and she has nobody to gossip about that with

she does enjoy the occasional visit at her sister’s while Vernon is at work though. And her Dudders does improve his speech quite nicely by babbling back and forth with his cousin

TL;DR: the Evans Sisters reconcile after the “mudblood incident” and the Potters hide next door to Number 4 Privet Drive with Petunia as the secret keeper. Peter unknowingly keeps the secret to an empty house as an additional cover

it comes in handy when Voldemort shows up in Gordric’s Hollow

So I was rereading Harry Potter, when I came across this and thought- what if instead of Cedric Diggory, Cassius Warrington had been chosen to compete in the Triwizard Tournament?

Imagine Dumbledore calling out the name of the Hogwarts champion and it isn’t a Gryffindor, or a Ravenclaw, or even a Hufflepuff, but it’s a Slytherin. A student from a House most people hate.

Imagine Cassius Warrington getting up, and three out of four Houses are booing at him and shouting things like “NO!” or, “We can’t have a Slytherin champion!” or demanding a retry. But he’s a Slytherin- he’s been dealing with this shit since he got sorted, so he keeps his head high and joins the other champions.

Imagine Harry trying to catch Warrington alone because he doesn’t really want to associate with Slytherins (plus Malfoy has this tendency of being around the guy ALL THE TIME since he got chosen), but at the same time he’s also fair enough not to want him to walk into the first task unprepared.

Imagine Warrington walking over to Harry a few months later, and Ron and Hermione both jump into a protective stance, wands out, but instead of attacking Harry he just tells him to stick the egg underwater. (Because Slytherins don’t forget those who helped them out).

Imagine Warrington and Harry helping each other out in the labyrinth.

Imagine Harry being devastated when Peter kills Warrington- because Voldemort doesn’t care what house they’re form, a spare is a spare.

Imagine the uproar that causes among the Slytherins, because some of their parents really are Death Eaters and they know what really happened.

Imagine Slytherins fighting in the Battle of Hogwarts and shouting “This is for Cassius!”

More Weasley Squad vs the wizarding world

After my “how the Weasley siblings at Hogwarts could’ve reacted to CoS” post, I got to thinking on how that would affect the canon immediately post-CoS....

And then I received a wonderful response on that post inquiring if there was more. Thank you so much for your kind comment @transparentfreakpursepanda and this one’s for you.

In my opinion, the drivers of the big changes would be the twins. In their new protector-role I think they’d keep the map with them and have a close eye on it. They’d also inform Ron, Ginny, and Harry (and through them Hermione) of a) the map, b) whatever they know of Sirius Black, and c) of the most useful hidden passages in the castle.

But even more interesting is when and how they’d inform the younger kids. Maybe once they are all at Hogwarts, because that is when it starts becoming relevant. Maybe they check the map thoroughly for potential eaves-droppers before joining the newly established quartet in the remote classroom. Maybe they spot “Peter Pettigrew” among the cluster of names and decide to hide the map for a while longer after all. Not seeing a person whose name shows up on the map is.... disconcerting to say the least. They dislike invisible potential threats and bodyless things with names after the Diary.

Instead they show the others some hidden passages. Every once in a while, either draws attention and the other checks the map. Peter Pettigrew stubbornly stays with them.

Percy researches Sirius Black with more ferocity than even his essays and keeps the twins and the quartet, albeit a little muted, informed of his findings. The twins get one of the Prophet editions detailing Black’s crimes to get a feel for his MO and find Peter Pettigrew listed as the magical person Black allegedly murdered.

They panic a little. Alright, they panic a lot.

And then they show the map to Percy. More specifically, they show “Peter Pettigrew” next to “Ron Weasley”, “Hermione Granger” and “Harry Potter” in the middle of the Gryffindor common room. In their frenzy they miss the tag reading “Sirius Black” near Hagrid’s Hut.

Percy gets George banned from the library for two weeks by blaming his impressive flood of cursing on him. Fred and George learn three new terms they absolutely are going to use. And then Percy doubles down on Peter Pettigrew as well as Sirius Black.

The Halloween Break-In happens. They scour the Map for any trace of Sirius Black, but he has long since disappeared, and when they check again the next morning so has the tag “Peter Pettigrew” and Ron is mourning Scabbers. That sparks a horrible idea. They know about animagi, having been taught by one for years. And the Professor shows up on the map no matter her current shape, they had tested that extensively back in first year.

So they gather Percy and Ron and Harry and Hermione and Ginny and after checking if Peter Pettigrew is REALLY not with them, they share both the map and their theory on Scabbers.

Percy shows the record of students graduating in 1978 he found deep in the Deputy Mistress’ archives, including the names of both Black and Pettigrew, but also Potter, Evans, Snape, and Lupin.

Harry pipes up that apparently Black and Pettigrew both were close to his father and so was the Professor. (”which one?” - “Snape obviously. Seriously George”) So if he asks about his parents, maybe he could find out more about Pettigrew, including if he was an animagus.

Percy and Hermione compare notes on what they know of animagi-related spells. Eventually they decide Hermione should ask Professor McGonagall about them, in relation to the werewolf-lecture they received from Snape Ron jumps into the planning. By comparing ways and methods of transformation Hermione has a reason to be curious and turn to McGonagall in particular. And approximately 73 tangents to go off on after she got her answers to hide the particular interest in forcing animagi to detransform.

Said and done. Two days later Hermione has a list of books on animagus spells and with Percy’s access, the bookworms dig up both a reversal spell and a general checking charm if an animal is an animagus.

By late November, the eldest three assume they have the spell down, it’s a bit hard to test without an animagus at hand and McGonagall is NOT to be included, and the younger students have checked every pet in Gryffindor tower and the owlery for animagusery. The transformation was judged to be a bit too advanced for them after all, they do want to have Pettigrew identifiable. They also all know Stupor and the countercharm.

In early December, Hagrid invites the trio down for tea and during that conversation they find Scabbers. Ron is good with voices and he forces himself to sound “appropriately” happy instead of showing his distress.

As soon as they are out of sight of Hagrid’s Hut, the rat is stunned, knocked out, petrificus totalused and checked for animagus within seconds. The light glow settles into the fur and for just a moment human features are visible-it is an animagus.

They bolt to the remote classroom that became their main base and are met by Fred and George, who had seen Peter Pettigrew show up on the Map again with the trio and gathered Percy and Ginny.

That is the moment they realize they have no plan for AFTER capturing Pettigrew. They stunned him, so he knows they are aware of some parts. Just going back to normal is not an option. Is he guilty of any crimes? How would a bunch of teenagers go about following that up? How would they explain how they knew something was up?? They had an adult, supposedly dead wizard stunned in their hands!!!

Fred and George look at each other, shrug, and suggest making sure nobody knows they were involved. Considering Harry stunned Pettigrew from behind even he might not know if all of them were attacked or if it was just him. After all, Black might have been after Pettigrew as well, considering he tried to kill him. So just leave him somewhere he will be recognized and let the adults deal with the mess?

So they check the map and find most professors in the Great Hall at dinner. Including Lupin. Who always returns to his office to grade after dinner. And offers students to come ask questions then.

So they break into the Defense Office and detransform Pettigrew on the desk, just as Ginny warns that Professor Lupin is leaving the Great Hall at speed. Five minutes if he sticks to the corridors, two if he knows the secret passages.

They don’t take chances and fire of another stunner before pulling the door closed and hurtling towards a passage that’ll take them to a lower floor and safely out of the path of Professor Lupin WHO REALLY KNOWS THE PASSAGES SWEET MERLIN HERMIONE GET IN GET IN AND CLOSE THE TAPESTRY.

Not a moment after they are hidden from sight, they hear first footsteps and then an unholy shout. They bustle through the passage and then double back towards the Hall, just to nearly fall over the railings of the Grand Staircase when Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall come sprinting up the stairs, the entire structure snapping to attention and creating an immediate path for the Headmaster and Deputy.

They grab some easily transported foods from the tables and rejoin the curious stream of students towards Defense.

An hour later Aurors Bones, Moody, and Shaklebolt are seen in Hogwarts.

The next day sees rumours of somebody returning from the dead and the Minister of Magic nearly defacing his bowler in the corridor leading to Charms.

A week later Sirius Black’s name is cleared.

Oh right, he was around too. The seven had completely forgotten the mass murderer. Correction, alleged mass murderer.

Amazing work from @mimles on insta

What classes/subjects I think the main six characters in the marauder’s year would be good at and/or enjoy:

Sirius Black - Charms/Arithmancy

Charms was obvious to me. Man had a flying motorbike at age 21. Arthur Weasley had been tinkering with his car for ages and it had hiccups, Sirius’ motorbike worked perfectly even after years of probably little upkeep since I don’t think Hagrid would have been able to maintain intricate advanced charms with a broken wand hidden in an umbrella and roughly three years of schooling. So Sirius enchanted his motorbike something solid. I think he didn’t do it alone (more later), but he did do it.

Arithmancy was more arbitrary and not with a clear indicator in the books. But I think he’d enjoy the clearness of it. No judgement, no politics, no complications, just factors and conclusions. Plus, it’d work well with Charms, so there.

Lily Evans - Charms/Potions

Charms is something we both see and hear mentioned in relation to Lily. As a child, she near-levitates herself off the swing and Ollivander mentions her wand being particularly suited for the subject. So I think it’s safe to assume she was outstanding in charmwork. I also headcanon her to have worked on the motorbike with Sirius. I like the thought of those two winding down after missions for the order by tinkering on the bike, talking about vastly different childhoods and hateful siblings, reminding themselves that they can create. A flying bike. A family. A future.

Potions I believe she was good at because she caught Slughorn’s attention. Slughorn likes to surround himself with either the famous or influential or talented students and she is neither famous nor influential. On the contrary, in the brewing war her blood-status was a detriment. But she impressed him so greatly that Slughorn invited her to the club and when he talked to Harry chose to speak of her, instead of taking the easy route of talking about James Potter. And later mentions her in class and declares Harry to have clearly “inherited [his] mother’s talent, she was a dab hand at potions, Lily was!” So I like to think she was absolutely brilliant at Potions.

Remus Lupin - Defense Against the Dark Arts/Ancient Runes

DADA is obvious. He taught it incredibly successfully. He was fantastic at it.

Ancient Runes is not based on any moment in the books I can remember, but he’d enjoy burying himself in ancient languages, deciphering riddles that only work in this specific grammar rule set. Additionally, I like the thought of runes being used to anchor permanent spells and layering them. Which works very well in combination with defense and entrenchment. Or with magically containing a werewolf on a full moon. Which is absolutely a key motivator for Remus. On a happier note, I headcanon Remus to have had the biggest part in creating the map thanks to his skill at runes and setting spells in stone.

Peter Pettigrew - Herbology/Divination

Ngl this was hard. I don’t like assigning Pettigrew stuff he’s good at. But I think he was very good at reading people and knowing their motivations and fears through micro-expressions and body language. This is evidenced by his tenure as a spy in the order and successful framing of Sirius Black. I believe that skill would come in handy in Herbology and Divination.

Herbology in the magical world deals with sentient plants as far as we can tell and Pettigrew would have a good eye for when the plant is about to become volatile and avert the crisis.

Divination when not practiced with a dead focus on the means of foretelling deals with reading the audience and laying out the most likely version of the future concerning this particular individual. He would have an excellent eye for when to talk of a person’s dreams, when to stay very realistic, and when to warn and strengthen paranoia.

He might also be good at Care because he can read animals,  but I am not sure if animals would like him.

James Potter - Transfiguration/Potions

For all that James Potter is omnipresent, we get very few hard facts on him.

Transfiguration was a given in my mind, I have no idea if this is canon or fanon. But I like the idea and it makes sense that James would be the one to come up with becoming animagi and having the confidence in his skill at transfiguration to attempt it unguided and in his teens with two of his friends.

Potions I think would be something incredibly familiar to him and so it was easy to become good at it and enjoy it immensely as a consequence. Most of the Potter fortune stems from potions and so I think James grew up partially in his parents’ lab. He’d chop the safe ingredients and get detailed explanations throughout his entire “WHY”-phase on ingredient properties, stirring pace, cauldron dimensions, stirring direction, colour changes, you name it he asked about it, effects, fumes, and cauldron material. So a lot of the groundwork was laid when he came to Hogwarts and he was good through practice and enjoyed brewing, but he wasn’t as noteworthy as Lily Evans or Severus Snape, who both had an understanding and passion for it that allowed them to go beyond the established recipes. James could reconstruct a half-remembered recipe through in-depth knowledge of the rules and properties, but he wouldn’t think of an improvement without serious prompting or necessity.

Severus Snape - Potions/Defense

The easiest of the bunch, because we know. Snape was excellent at Potions, vastly improving potion recipes while still in school, and Defense was his dream position and he created new offensive spells and presumably defensive/hiding spells such as Muffliato. (I say presumably as that spell is just written down in his potions book. If he came up with it I would have guessed he would have done so in Charms as it most closely resembles those spells, so I think he learned of it and wrote it down in potions)

Now I really want to read a fic in which somebody put in various teacher names and Cornelius Fudge or Barty Crouch XD

The Mayhem!

The whole plot of Goblet of Fire could have been avoided if Dumbledor put an upper limit on the age line. Like you have two adult former Death Eater you know are there, even ignoring Mad Eye who he didn’t know about.

Like this is a competition between students, set an age limit on the age line at like 20 and this wouldn’t have happened.

I never thought about that, but it's a really good point! 👍

Not only would that have prevented someone from maliciously entering Harry's name, but it also would have prevented other adults from cheating too. Like let's say Krum entered his name once, but then Karkaroff decided to enter his name a second time to increase his chances; same with Madame Maxine and Fleur.

I still call BS on the whole Goblet of Fire "binding contract" part though. What if someone else wrote Angelina's name as a joke, and then she was chosen but didn't want to participate? How is that a "binding contract" when she never entered it willingly? Or what if someone wrote 'Albus Dumbledore' and he was chosen? Is he required to participate even though he's not a student? That's pretty sketchy and ridiculous. 🙄

Thanks for the ask! 😊

she’s WHAT???????????????

how???????

please tell me you are having a laugh

I reject this info and substitute my own

I’m sorry... The marauders are OLDER than Dolores Umbridge?!!

EXCUSE ME?!!

Please- I can’t imagine Harry smirking at Umbridge and her having a flashback about some cocky bitch at the year above her😭😭

PLEASE I CANT IMAGINE HER YOUNGER THAN SIRIUS AND REMUS IN OOTP