Amazon Thinks I’m A Luxurious Wizard Trying To Get Swole

I see the way she looks at me when I parry with my longsword

You wrote about murder?? Murder is illegal?? You wrote about this dude killing someone and you didn’t even say ‘murder is bad’ at the start of the book, wht wtf, wtf is wrong with you? I can’t believe you condone murder, I can’t believe you’re pro murber, oh my fucking God don'ttalk to me when ou literally kill people, freak. I’m calling the cops, what the fuck, I’m shaking and crying.

he lets me hit bc i say shit like ‘alas’

my favorite thing about tumblr is that when you’re blocked the website doesnt just tell you you’re blocked it pretends it’s glitching like you look at the dashboard view of someone whose blocked you and it’s like oh huh there’s no posts here! strange! whoopsie! try and reblog one of their posts from their desktop page it gives you an error like oh man there’s some weird stuff going on and you can’t reblog this… probably our fault idk. who knows :/ it’s so funny like we all know we’re blocked but tumblr is in this situation our mutual friend who is like [unconvincingly] “whhhattttttt……… omg nooooooo of COURSE not….” when we ask if the other bitch secretly hates us. 

Whilst you were exploring each others bodies, I was exploring the catacombs

How come a badger would fuck up a coyote

you wouldn't necessarily clock this from just looking at one, but all species of badger are basically just little fucked-up biological TANKS with hearts full of murder.

adorable murder.

to start with, badger skin is so tough that it can resist most attempts by other predators to bite through it, and is also very loose so that even if it's grabbed by a larger creature, the badger can still turn around and bring its own claws and teeth into the situation!

which is very bad.

and on top of this, badgers are STUPID strong and ridiculously hardy- badgers can shrug off just about any injury that doesn't kill them outright and will immediately seek retribution by attempting to open you up with those big ol claws like a can of beans being fed into an industrial shredder.

badgers can even 1v1 fucking BEARS and walk off without a scratch, they're that op.

no, I was not kidding.

the coyote, a fragile creature built for speed and maneuverability, would stand NO chance if it tried to start shit with the badger, and they both know it.

i relate to this so much

“In a game with no consequences, why are you still playing the ‘Good’ side?”

Every time I wrote your name, I lied. Every time I wrote your name, it was the truth.

1.Clarice Lispector | 2.Nickie Zimov | 3.Warsan Shire | 4.Pablo Neruda | 5.Madeline Miller | 6.Nickie Zimov | 7.Madeline Miller | 8.Vincent van Gogh | 9.James Joyce | 10.Nick Lantz | 11.Ocean Vuong | 12.Nickie Zimov | 13.Richard Brautigan | 14.Keaton St. James