I Wish Dwarves Were Real Just Because The Folk Metal They Would Produce Would Be Completely Unfathomable

touching grass is not enough. i need to touch yellowstone’s superheated prismatic acid pool 

Me: *Removes my cat from my lap to do something else.*

My cat: Father is...evil? Father is unyielding? Father is incapable of love? I am running away. I am packing my little rucksack and going out to explore the world as a lone vagabond. I can no longer thrive in this household.

“I want to decompose in a bog” well you clearly don’t know the first thing about bogs. Clout chaser

bugs are always getting into something they shouldn't

“influencer” is such a sinister title. it’s got all the menace of “royal adviser” but none of the raw sex appeal.

today in “youtube’s recommendation algorithm completely misunderstands what i’m interested in”: i am recommended a channel consisting entirely of livestreams of a creepy dude sitting in a corner and just staring at the camera for 4 hours, 3 times a week

jennifer’s body (2009)

laptop: PLEASE place me on a hard surface that does not obstruct my cooling fan I am begging you

me: shut up we are going to snuggle in bed :)