Geeksmash-h

Dark Academia Subjects: Physics

tw: derealization/depersonalization

i don't feel like i belong in my own body. i look around and everything feels out of focus and too sharp at the same time. are these my hands? are those my legs? who's touching me? am i touching me? the cloudless sky looks like a badly rendered video game; the foggy dusk drive feels more estranged and comforting than my own home. i'm walking down the stairs to get some water; it's dark; i feel dead. i'm floating around like a spectre; a phantom inside a body of flesh and bone. my skin is crawling; it, too, wishes i wasn't in it. someone asks me a question. "what?" it comes out more like a hum underwater. "have you been listening to me?" no.

karma // t.s.

me? both avoiding and craving attention? you bet

richard campbell gansey the third, a politician’s son, born on old virginia money wearing fucking khakis and a polo, introducing his friends like “these are my closest pals, a poor bi mechanic, an angry gay catholic criminal/farmer with a substance abuse problem, a dude who was murdered, and my punk witch girlfriend. oh and henry!”

What do you do for a living?

Suffer

I just wanna sleep for 2 years

i'll just leave this here

 the medicine & anatomy students

a pristine white coat, worn with pride

intricately labeled diagrams

studying models of anatomy until you could describe them with your eyes closed

reading research published on niche topics

the mingling scents of disinfectant and anesthetics

focused eyes and steady hands as you perform a dissection

heavy textbooks piled on your shelves

detailed notes, understanding each subject inside and out

the rush of your own heartbeat in your ears

visualizing the muscles and tendons and arteries and all buried beneath your skin

the fluorescent glow of hospital lights

reciting the hippocratic oath

a stethoscope hanging around your neck

a fascination with the workings of the human body

shadows under your eyes from studying late into the night

learning the history of medicine

growing accustomed to the sight of blood

cups of black coffee, feeling the caffeine work its way through your veins

memorizing the names of bones and muscles

tracking the course of your own illnesses and injuries

antique anatomical drawings pinned to your walls alongside your own sketches

strong attention for detail, a gift for precision

the cool metal of surgical instruments

knowing the exact effect of various medications on the body